Such a pussy.

Thank god, I say thank god we women have men like Christopher Warner looking out for us. What would our vaginas do without him?

Christopher A. Warner says he considers himself something of a maverick, a caring physician willing to challenge medical orthodoxy in order to help women.

That’s why the 39-year-old board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist recently opened the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington in a red brick townhouse off Washington Circle. There, he is building a business as the first area physician to perform controversial procedures that use a laser to enhance sexual gratification by repairing tissue damaged by childbirth, to give women a “youthful aesthetic look” or to make those who are not appear to be virgins.

. . .Warner, a graduate of Georgetown University School of Medicine who started an ob-gyn practice in 2000 and also maintains an office in Southeast Washington, said his goal is to empower women.

Shiny pink empowerment via surgical quick-fix for socially-inculcated insecurity! That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

It’s not as if Dr. Warner hasn’t put his methods through the most rigorous scientific scrutiny, after all.

Warner, who has operated on 18 patients, said he does not consider the lack of published studies to be problematic.

“Life isn’t all about studies,” Warner said. “These are real problems that don’t require 50 people to research the same topic. Women are telling us that it’s working.”

Well . . . okay. But still, the ultimate goal is to improve women’s health.

Warner and Matlock say that patients frequently request “a nice sleek look” similar to images seen in Playboy magazine and on some cable TV channels. “Women tell us they want to look like they’re 18 again,” Matlock said.

. . .”I did it for both of us,” said Figueroa, adding that their marriage has improved as a result of laser rejuvenation and a procedure she said Matlock suggested to beautify her genitals. “Before the surgery I felt really old . . . and ugly. Since the surgery that’s changed. I’m very happy with it — and so is my husband.”

(Figueroa, by the by, is a 32-year-old who has borne four children. Call me crazy, but it seems to me that after a total of three years of pregnancy and four births, it’s really fucking sad that your husband would encourage you to undergo $15,000 of surgery (even paying $8,000 of it himself!) rather than love the body you have.)

Ah, well. At least we can rest easy knowing that Warner trained with David Matlock, the best guy in the field.

In 1998 the [Medical Board of California] sought to revoke his license, charging him with insurance fraud, dishonesty, creation of false medical records and gross negligence in connection with his treatment of two patients . . . In the past 10 years, records show, Matlock has been sued for malpractice 10 times in Los Angeles County Superior Court.

The article concludes with a section about the popular surgery, hymenoplasty.

“I’ve been performing this on and off for years,” said Marco Pelosi II, a Bayonne, N.J., gynecologist who says the “revirginization” operation has become increasingly popular as a gift for men. Pelosi estimates he has done about 150 hymenoplasties in the past two years.

Hey honey! For our anniversary, I’m going to make sure that we get to relive the ecstatic moment when I squeaked, bled all over the sheets, and wondered if the whole “sex” thing was really worth it. What a lovely gift.

24 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Mom said,

    Ouch.

    But what a wonderful discussion point for my gender class next year!

  2. 2

    Andree said,

    Thank God I am celibate!

  3. 3

    miss kendra said,

    i think you’re making some valid points, but they’re generalizations. for some women, this surgery has been very important. i saw a documentary wherein a woman who had been raped had her hymen restored so that she could be married instead of outcast- and i couldn’t possible begrudge her that.

    if a prettier vagina makes you happy, why not? of course there are better ways to spend the money, but the same could be said for cars and books and dinners out.

    it’s just like any other plastic surgery- generally cosmetic, but potentially very helpful to some.

  4. 4

    from away said,

    Yeah, this is clearly *all about* women choosing something they’d really want even if the patriarchy disappeared tomorrow noon. And yet We’re convinced these procedures are somehow different (better?) than fgc/fgm. Must be the slightly cleaner knives and supposedly better trained practioners. Bah.

  5. 5

    miss kendra said,

    maybe they wouldn’t want this sort of procedure- or any cosmetic procedure- if the patriarchy were to disappear tomorrow noon. realistically though, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

    there will always be some sort of standard to live up to, and i think that people should be fundamentally allowed to choose whether or not they want to live up to it.

    i wouldn’t get my vagina lasered, but if you want to, have a grand time. i’ll buy you a card.

  6. 6

    uccellina said,

    Kendra –

    My problem isn’t so much with the women who elect to have this surgery done, as with the doctors who promote the surgery and the society that makes women feel their worth is so tied up in their appearance that they would risk nerve damage and incontinence to have a prettier vayjayjay.

    I understand that there are women who undergo hymenoplasty in order to be acceptable brides in cultures that consider an intact hymen mandatory for marriage – women undergo clitoridectomy and infibulation for similar reasons, and I find that disturbing and sad as well.

    There’s also the issue that the doctors doing this are marketing it as a service for women, to improve their sexual experience, when there is no evidence that it actually helps them with that at all.

    One of the most vociferous critics is Thomas G. Stovall, a past president of the Society of Gynecologic Surgeons. “There is absolutely zero scientific literature that supports . . . the notion that firing a laser of any kind will tighten [vaginal] muscles,” said Stovall, who calls the surgery “a ripoff.”

  7. 7

    A said,

    It’s a free country, so folks who want to can choose victimization – but it’s just one more sad example of the necessity of working to eliminate the agency that makes these choices seem normal or even acceptable.

    So…is it time to talk about Quentin Tarantino?

  8. 8

    Annika said,

    Anyone who thinks their vagina isn’t “pretty” enough probably hasn’t seen anyone else’s.

    I do have to say, as someone who has given birth, that I can see how repairs might be desirable. Sex hurt for MONTHS after Sam’s birth (not counting the months that we abstained — I don’t want anyone to think it hurt because it was too soon), probably because of the stitches but who knows. What if it hadn’t eventually felt better? I don’t think it’s solely a matter of loving the body we’ve got. It may also be a matter of wanting it to function.

    But the cosmetic surgery freaks me the fuck out.

  9. 9

    Annika said,

    Also, your post title cracked me up.

  10. 10

    nora said,

    I have never understood the drive for or the acceptance of “revirginization” as a concept. What a weird world we live in.

  11. 11

    Red Diabla said,

    I lurk on a drawing website. I can tell the people who look at Playboy or porn for “life drawing” help from the ones who actually have seen nekkid women who aren’t porn stars, strippers, or “models”. The ones who look at photos can’t draw real-looking women to save their pimply asses. It’s annoying.

    I have a feeling that the vaginal surgeries are falling into that category, too. Porn stars trim their labia for the camera…impressionable young adult-like critters see that and assume that’s what vaginas look like. Some hoo-ha’s do look “sleek”(wow, what a way to phrase it!), many don’t.

    I just feel creeped out that there’s NOTHING on my body that’s safe from scrutinization. Ugh.

  12. 12

    Laurie Ann said,

    I’m disturbed by the “as a gift for men” portion of the hymenoplasty quote. I can understand that some cultures require virginity as a prerequisite for marriage, but I’m willing to bet that most of those 150 surgeries were not for that purpose. A gift…for your man…who would rather be schtupping a child than a grown woman? What is the appeal of a virgin other than a power play? Also, considering the renewed hymen will be gone after one quick pop, doesn’t that seem like a colossal waste of money? He’d better bring his A-game that night to make it worth while.

  13. 13

    writer2 said,

    Bird’s Nest says it better than I can, but there is something really weird (and sickening) about subjecting yourself to PhotoShop. My spouse and I have an agreement; we love each other just as we are (becoming) and no elective surgery. If all of this plastic surgery really were for health and recovery, then these surgeons would not be practising in LA, DC and NYC but overseas and in the poor, war-torn countries where their skills are really needed to help suffering people.

  14. 14

    mom said,

    Your spouse is a lucky person, Writer2.

  15. 15

    from away said,

    I think there was comment overlap, so just to clarify: I wasn’t responding to miss kendra. I was responding to the post in general and trying to point out what nonsense it is to be against fgc/fgm when this type of surgery is more or less the same yet viewed as simply a cosmetic choice here. As Uccellina has already said, “…women undergo clitoridectomy and infibulation for similar reasons…”

    In the bigger picture, women aren’t really choosing. They’re choosing within a small set of options that meet certain expectations set by others (men).

  16. 16

    MonkeyGurrl said,

    All I can say is. . . OUCH!

    Just the thought of it creeps me out and makes me flinch.

    People actually TRIM THEIR LABIA?! That’s frickin psycho.

  17. 17

    MonkeyGurrl said,

    Oh, and if he “also maintains an office in Southeast Washington”, that’s about the same as “overseas and in the poor, war-torn countries.” Really.

  18. 18

    hawkeye said,

    i must admit since reading the vagina monologs it gave me clear understanding of woman ,that being “females are a walking talking vagina”
    i dont understand the obsession
    for example ,a female art class ,pictures of vaginas by everyone,,,there are bigger issues around ,get over it

  19. 19

    Hyphen said,

    I wouldnt even know what makes one vagina prettier than another. I’m not about to go on tour to figure it out. All I care about is if mine WORKS. And, from the conversations I’ve had with men over the years, I am pretty sure thats all they care about too. (Of course, my “survey” may be “skewed” because I wouldnt have a conversation about this with a man whose opinion wasnt worth knowing.)

  20. 20

    Andrea said,

    Umm, yuck.

    Also laughing @ Laurie Ann’s comment.

  21. 21

    Angiportus said,

    If someone wants to see blood at a certain juncture, isn’t there a way to simulate this without actually hurting someone? You know, sneak something up there that’d provide the desired illusion; technology can come up with a variation on bubble-wrap for those whose lives or “honor” depend on it. (That crap gives honor a bad name.)
    The idea of injuring a person just to make their anatomy fit yours, especially when you get away scot-free, has alwas revulsed me bigtime. Why isn’t there a way to make sure one doesn’t hurt or bleed? And why aren’t young girls being told about it right up front, along with all the contraception and anti-disease info that some are smart enough to give them?
    Come up with an operation to give men shiny unwrinkled bits, or make their foreskins rip away when they first start having sex with women, then maybe I’ll give more than a second’s thought to this stuff.
    Oh. Aren’t there exercises that help with the apparent tightness factor?

  22. 22

    rhealyn said,

    What female problems need a vaginal repair?

    Women of reproductive age vary in the size and shape of their labias. Some have elongated labia in which the folds could create discomfort during intercourse.

    Labiaplasty is a cosmetic reconstructive surgical procedure which aims to reduce the size of both the labia minora and labia majora to have a more attractive outward appearance and to correct irregularities in their shapes.

  23. 23

    maria said,

    Vaginal repair is a very demanding surgical procedure which requires only the best trained surgeons. You should choose those who are skilled to perform this procedure because it involves a very delicate process wherein perfection of the techniques is crucial. In choosing your surgeon, verify that he is competent and have taken specialty trainings in understanding the female anatomy. Having a highly competent surgeon will somehow put your mind at ease and will greatly increase the chances of having a successful surgery.

  24. 24

    cynthia said,

    Labiaplasty is a surgical procedure to reduce the size of the labia minora or the inner lips of the female genitalia. Also, the procedure becomes one way of improving the appearance of the woman’s vagina.


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