Dear Readers, we have no air conditioning. This is but one of the pitfalls of rent-stabilization in Puzzletown; our rent is relatively low (though still exorbitant), but Management does everything it can to jack it up to market rates. They offered to install central air last year . . . with the condition that they would consequently raise our rent by $100/month. For $1200/year, I think I’ll suffer for a month or two, thanks.
Oh, but there are times when I regret my penny-pinching ways, and this weekend was one of those times. We spent each day strategically moving from air-conditioned space to air-conditioned space. On Saturday, Husband basked in the coolth at The Knitter’s Studio as I fingered each and every skein of Lorna’s Laces sock yarn, less because I needed sock yarn and more because I was afraid I might actually die if I went back outside.
From there we went to Barnes and Noble. Unfortunately, the entire city of Los Angeles was there as well; it was therefore a mite crowded. “Where are the chairs?” I asked a salesperson. “You used to have comfy chairs.”
“The new manager decided people were sitting all day and not buying anything, so they took the chairs away,” she shrugged.
I looked around at the eleventy-hundred people sprawled in the aisles, sitting with their backs against bookshelves, snoring underneath the windows. Clearly, the strategy was working brilliantly.
Next, we studiously peered at price tags in the furniture department of Crate and Barrel, faking serious consideration as an employee eyed us suspiciously, only to flop backwards with a sigh onto the display bed as soon as she turned away.
I rolled over to face Husband. “You know what we need.”
He nodded, frowning slightly. “Ice cream.”
The day progressed in such manner, culminating with a movie. Sunday was a pretty fair imitation of Saturday. Despite our good intentions and a To-Do list that covered three Post-It Notes, nothing useful got done.
And just because I am beloved by the universe and all deities, this morning we were graced by the ethereal melody of the jackhammer at seven a.m.
All of the above is by way of saying, if any of y’all have a timeshare in the Arctic that you’re not currently using, I’ll be more than happy to take it off your hands.