Ignore this, it’s whiny.

I am. Stressed. Out. Stress in the tightness of my jaw, and in the acid that leaps up from my stomach. Stress in the stutter as I correct and repeat myself, trying to say six things at once. I am easily startled; this morning, in a meeting, I nearly hit the ceiling when Murray* coughed behind me. I am needy and insecure. In this most social of seasons, I want nothing more than to hibernate with a stack of books and knitting.

Does this stress stem from:

1. Money issues?
2. Feeling overwhelmed at work?
3. Feeling underaccomplished as another year sputters and dies, leaving only a thin trail of smoke and the acrid smell of failure?

Why is it that when people wish me Happy Holidays, it feels like just another impossible thing I have to add to my to-do list?

Edited to add: Possibly the one thing that could make this day better has just occurred: Grandma Secretary’s loud, detail-filled discussion of her colonoscopy.


9 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Writer2 said,

    Anything anyone says after a post like that will sound trivial, trite, cliched, stupid. Always the risk. Oh well, here goes.

    You are not alone — certainly not at your home there, and not in the world. Lots of us love you and cherish you and feel for what you feel, and love you for being able to express that.

  2. 2

    uccellina said,

    Oh, c’mon, it wasn’t that dire, was it? It had a butt joke.

    (thank you)

  3. 3

    mandap said,


    Not the colonoscopy!


    May you receive a buttload of money this Holiday Season!


  4. 4

    Hang in there. Things will get better.

    A new sucky year will start.

    Money will still be in someone elses pocket.

    And December will come again.

    And Grandma Secretary will have some other procedure to yell about.


    Just kidding.

    Instead of taking stock, try looking at the things you do have- it puts a different perspective on life when I look at things from the outside in, instead of the other way around.

    Happy Holidays.


  5. 5

    Hyphen said,

    Sounds like you need a massage. Let me know if you want my sister’s phone number. I’ll tell her to give you the family discount. 😉

  6. 6

    miss kendra said,

    we are on the same boat.

  7. 7

    Celeste said,

    Yeah, maybe. But you did help inspire a new knitter–that’s something to feel good about. I have had a couple of breakthroughs with and it’s kind of fun already.

    Best of all, you weren’t on the receiving end of the colon camera this Christmas. ;o) I wonder if that lady’s newsletter had already gone out so nobody had to hear about it in a Christmas card. LOL!!! When one of our coworkers was about to be a grandma, every day started with the cervix chronicles. Nobody needs these visuals, yet the chatties bring it anyhow.

  8. 8

    MonkeyGurrl said,

    Hunny. If it makes ya feel any better, most folks I know are in the same boat – except for my egg and sperm donors, of course, who can afford to be lavish in their gifts, thereby making any attempt to reciprocate an exercise in futility (and humility).

    Bah humbug indeed!

  9. 9

    uccellina said,

    See, I have good friends, and that makes it all hurt less 🙂

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