Celebrity babies blog

Before I lived in Los Angeles, the world of celebrity did not impinge on mine. I went about my business, blissfully unaware of who was cheating on whom, who was pregnant, and who had dropped out of rehab for, like, the eighteenth time, oh my god. I tried to keep my blinders on after I moved here, but it became more and more difficult. First Carrie Ann Moss stood next to me in the grocery line, then Paris Hilton sashayed through my Farmer’s Market wearing enormous sunglasses and clutching a chihuahua. Dame Judi Dench and Courtney Love both went to the movie theater at the same time I did, and we saw Seal and Heidi Klum as we were leaving. George Clinton pops into my office, and Debi Mazar buys her baby clothes at the same cheap store I do.

So you see, it’s hard to avoid. And since I am of the can’t-beat-’em-join-’em school, and also like cute babies, I have even taken to reading the Celebrity Baby Blog. Mostly to snicker at all the people boasting about their twin pregnancies while denying loudly and fiercely any rumor of infertility treatment, because god knows that would be the end, just the end of their careers. But that is not, my chickadees, the reason for the title of this post. No, the post title has its origin in two small stories, which I shall now relate.

1. A couple of months ago, Husband and babies and I were waltzing under the electric faux-moonlight on the thirty-foot-square lawn of our local outdoor mall, as the band played their last song of the evening. A bald man with a bevy of giggling blonds stopped to coo over the babies. He asked the usual questions, and I answered them all, smiling politely around gritted teeth. Can’t you see we’re having a tender moment? I shouted inside my head. Fuck off, already! Eventually the group wandered away, and Husband said “Do you know who that was?”

“Um, no.”

“That was Howie Mandel!”

2. This very morning, while sitting at the Farmer’s Market, Husband was approached by Illeana Douglas, who cooed delightedly over the babies. She asked all the usual questions too, but he was not as grouchy about it as I had been. He didn’t even mind when she said “You certainly have your hands full!” Which clearly makes him a saint, because that really is the most annoying thing you can say to a parent of multiples.

Celebrities! They’re just like us!


11 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Annika said,

    I think we should make t-shirts for the babies that say “Ileana Douglas-approved.”

  2. 2

    dp said,

    i wish you’d known it was howie mandel. you could have made him do the “bobby’s world” voice!

  3. 3

    Mom said,

    Well, MY baby was admired by Darren McGavin – in Falmouth, Massachusetts. Sniff.

  4. 4

    KS said,

    Love the stories…I totally see celebrities as entertainment in their own right. I mean, celebs who really want to stay out of the spotlight mostly do, y’know? So the ones who don’t I figure are asking for it.

    I don’t understand why people get so annoyed at stupid comments from strangers. I mean, unless they’re being rude or mean, I figure it’s just people trying to make conversation. It’s like when I meet a pregnant woman and I want to bond over how awesome it is to be a parent, I’ll often ask if they are going to find out what sex the baby is. I never find out myself, I don’t even really believe in ultrasounds for that purpose, but it’s a common question that furthers the conversation and allows me to segue into wishing them a beautiful birth or whatever.

    Also, with three young kids in tow, I frequently get the “you’ve got your hands full” comments, and I just smile and say “yup” because you know what? They’re right!

  5. 5

    uccellina said,

    KS – For me, it’s that I live in a city and I have twins, so I literally cannot go anywhere without being stopped at least three times by adoring strangers and having the Exact. Same. Conversation. Each time. As nice as people are about it, sometimes I just wanna grab my groceries and go, y’know? Especially when babies are getting cranky.

    The “You have your hands full” remark is weird in that it’s used by such a wide range of people. Young, old, parents, non-parents, non-native-English-speakers, circus clowns; everyone. It’s like they got a misguided pamphlet on Key Phrases Loved By Parents Of Multiples.

  6. 6

    Nora said,

    Maybe the reason “you have your hands full” might be annoying is that its likely code for “Wow that must suck. Glad I’m not you, but at least your kids aren’t too homely.”

  7. 7

    Mom said,

    Circus clowns are notorious for being unsympathetic.

  8. 8

    julie said,

    First, sorry you have to hear any phrase that many times. I’ve a low tolerance for repetition (so of course, since he could talk, my son has required me to repeat almost everything he says–and he’ll keep repeating it until I do).

    It’s not key phrases loved by parents of multiples. It’s one of the least offensive phrases we’ve been brainwashed to say to _any_ mother. I’ve only got one child, and I’ve heard it a couple times (and usually nobody bothers to say anything to me–but that has more to do with my “don’t bother me” vibe, and I’d guess that even if you were sending out a stronger “don’t bother me” vibe than I do–which is really, really hard for me to imagine–that the relatively rare nature of twins trumps it every time).

    {Okay, that blog post you linked is hysterical! Thanks for the laughs! But I didn’t read it until after I typed the following paragraph. Her answers are much more up my alley, but I kinda get the impression that you don’t want to wallow in/spread negativity, no matter how amusing it may be.}

    To liven it up a bit for yourself, brainstorm some alternate stock replies to that observation. (ex: Yes, I do have my hands full, so I’ve got to go now. Feeling sappy? Yes, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Want to spout some lactivism? Yes, my hands are full and so are my breasts–gotta go nurse!) Rotate your responses depending on your mood/audience. At least that way it won’t always be the exact same conversation every time anymore. And if you really don’t want to talk, just smile and continue on with your errands. You don’t have to stop. You’ve got twins for crying out loud! You’re too busy to stop and chat every 10 feet. Or if you do choose to exchange a few words, do NOT give the person your undivided attention–that’s an open invitation for a lengthy chat. If you want to grab your stuff and go–focus on grabbing your stuff and checking on your babies, then go. Most people will get the impression that you don’t have the time if you don’t act like you do.

    Oh, and I lived in the LA area for 10 years, then 3 years living in LA and working in Santa Monica, and you’ve had more celebrity contact that I ever did. I only got to see about a half dozen celebs, and they never talked to me (but it could have been my less-than-friendly vibe rather than my lack of twins).

    Brainstorm–how about, if for every time you hear that hands full comment, you set aside a penny/quarter/dollar per baby for their future college fund? Would that make it slightly less obnoxious, if it were helping your kids? Of course, that requires being able to remember how many times you hear it in any given outing, which I would find challenging (since it’s not really the top priority that almost everything else is)….

  9. 9

    akeeyu said,

    Wait, wait, I’ve got one!

    “Wow, better you than me!”

    …yeah. Because my children are a curse that have been visited upon me, one that you apparently narrowly missed. Oh, lucky you! Please get the hell away from me.

    In general, I try to avoid anything back handed or nosy when talking to other people about their children/pregnancies. This means no snark (unless we’re bestest best friends and we have that kind of relationship) and no questions that can only be answered with medical devices. I usually stick with “Oh, they’re beautiful Look at those pretty (pick one: eyes, lips, hairbows, shoes, etc)! How cute!” or “You look great! How do you feel?”

  10. 10

    Frank said,

    I’m oblivious; unless a celebrity introduces him/herself I wouldn’t a) be paying enough attention to recognize him/her or b) simply wouldn’t recognize him/her without the set, make-up, etc.

    I guess I’m lucky that way…

  11. 11

    mook said,

    ah, the annoying repetitive questions.

    Sometimes a little perspective can help in these situations. Try and remember that it is the first time that particular person has said that to you. Not sure it will help much, but maybe….

    It helped me the 200th time each day I was asked where the bathroom was at Disneyland when I worked there. Yes, I would get asked that many times some days.

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