The night nursing olympics.

Each night, sometime between eight and nine-thirty p.m., I get in bed to nurse the babies to sleep. I flop onto my back, a pillow-propped baby tucked into the crook of each arm. and the two little remoras latch right on. It is a feat surprisingly easy to achieve, since my breasts are the size of small planets, only rather squishier and very much subject to earth’s gravity, sliding obligingly to the sides of my ribcage when I lie down.

Up until quite recently, this worked well. But something about turning eight months old has brought out the nighttime gymnasts in my children. They latch on to the nipple, then begin to twist and wriggle like octopuses. They stand on their heads; they arch their backs; they turn upside down and flail adorably. Not so adorably, they grab each other’s hair and ears, stick their fingers in each other’s eyes, and slide sneaky little feet across my belly to kick each other. What is this, I ask them, revenge for slights incurred in the womb? They grin at me and do not answer (“Oom!” and “Bleeh” don’t count).

Last night Wren managed to roll up on top of me and then over again, so she was lying on her stomach on my stomach. Then she looked down at her brother on the other side, giggled, and PUSHED HIM OFF THE BOOB AND TOOK IT FOR HERSELF.

We may have to rethink this routine.


8 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    akeeyu said,

    Oh, that’s the sleep regression. Seriously. Mark your calendar for 37 weeks adjusted, and start counting down.

  2. 2

    Annika said,

    With the whole gravity thing, I’d say they’re small moons.

    OMG they are Death Stars.

    Also, I have been waiting for Wren to do just that.

  3. 3

    Mom said,

    That’s my girl!

  4. 4

    Laughing out loud, and then wondering if that makes me a bad, bad human being.

  5. 6

    nora said,

    wait, you have baby fish? I thought they were birds.

  6. 7

    I love the whole head-stand nursing maneuver. It cracks me up that anyone would want to drink with their butt in the air and head at boob-level. Yet my daughter prefers it. weird.

  7. 8

    Angela said,

    I know this is an old post, but I remember stumbling upon it somehow during my twin pregnancy. Well, now my twins are nine months old and nursing them at the same time just gets more and more hilarious. These babies definitely have survival instincts. I can think of few things funnier than my twins nursing.

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