Fucklings on parade! doo-doo-dee-dee-doo.

Yoshik Presents

First, I would like to say THANK YOU! to all who participated in the Fuckling Contest. Each and every one of you is now my best friend. We should totally have a slumber party and paint each other’s nails. And you would all fit in my tiny house, too, because there aren’t that many of you.

Here are the entries, in the order received.

Fuckling—it’s what’s for dinner
By Laurie Ann


“Fuckling” is a dish one would make for a special occasion. It’s definitely not a meal you’d want to eat every day, but for those romantic evenings with your special guy, nothing beats a tender, juicy fuckling.

Sadly, single gals don’t have occasion to enjoy this meal very often. Finding a good fuckling can be time-consuming and preparation is exhausting. Fortunately, Stuffer’s understands.

Introducing Stuffer’s Tender Roasted Fuckling–now available in a single, yet generous, serving size. Check your grocer’s freezer today!

The Story of a Fuckling
By Annika


I had grand plans for this fuckling’s introduction.



A pilot downed in the Sahara and confronted by a small boy who appears out of nowhere and demands,

“If you please, draw me a fuckling.”

But in the end, this fuckling’s history is not nearly so literary.

Rather, (s)he was born of a sleepless night and an afternoon’s delight, mothered by Lamb’s Pride and fathered by a crochet hook, size f.

By Sunflowerfairy

FUCKWAD - Sunflowerfairy

[This Fuckwad came without a biography, but I think we all know its history. – ed.]

By Charlene

CUPLING 1 - Charlene

Fuckling is the urban slang term for a cupling – Get it? “Coupling” = cupling? This fuckling is Mistress Whatsherbutt. She’s very forgetful and a little messy, but she’s very generous with the tea in her teacup. She, by the way, would like you to come over for a tea party tomorrow. Please RSVP.

Fire Truckling
By Husband


Fire Truckling was born in Conflagration, Ohio. Rumors began to spread immediately.

So, what to do about prizes? I say we vote on it. Unfortunately, WordPress won’t let me set up a javascript poll, so y’all are going to have to e-mail me in order to vote. Votes are due by 5:30 p.m. today, Pacific Standard Time, at which time I will announce the winner. There will be no extensions on voting. And just to maintain some semblance of fairness, I will abstain from voting. Fuckling-makers are welcome to vote for themselves. Or for someone else.


18 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    MonkeyGurrl said,

    dammit, dammit, dammit. I tried emailing the pic to you directly, but clearly it didn’t get through to you, either. Cell phone camera issues SUCK.

    Well, I think Husband and Uccellina’s fucklings should not be considered b/c the nature of the contest (i.e., its already *your* prize, and by default, his!) But the three remaining are so great and so very different. I couldn’t possibly choose.

    Therefore, my vote goes to my own fuckling – the Phantom Fuckling, which is lost somewhere in the ether. . .

  2. 2

    uccellina said,

    oh – yeah, Husband and I are absolutely disqualified. But there are still four remaining! Laurie Ann, Annika, Sunflowerfairy, and Charlene. Try sending it again, MG!

  3. 3

    miss kendra said,

    i’m so sorry i didn’t get to make a fuckling. after my splediferous birthday bash, i spent the rest of the weeked nursng sickly beasts.

    they are all on antibiotics.

    and i am poor.

  4. 4

    Laurie Ann said,

    You know, I almost did George Bush’s face on top of my prop, but I thought that was just too easy.

    I vote for Me! And Annika! And, well, everyone…but mostly for ME!.

    I love Husband’s. There’s a picture book in there.

  5. 5

    MonkeyGurrl said,

    That’s just my problem – LA’s is super funny; with a story. Very entertaining and clearly a lot of work involved. And, considering the source of the competition, extremely appropriate.

    Annika’s is great, crafty. Well-executed.

    Sunflowerfairy – incredibly appropriate. Laughed my arse off. Reflects my feelings.

    And Charlene’s is exactly what I imagined a fuckling to be (before I saw the others).

    Can’t you split the KitKat bar four ways?

  6. 6

    Sachi said,

    OMG. I’m totally amazed and impressed by all of you. I love you.

  7. 7

    Ellen B. said,

    I would have loved to enter….not enough time. I really think that Annika’s fuckling is excellent and should be awarded the grand KitKat bar!

  8. 8

    MonkeyGurrl said,

    Ellen’s partial – she’s the crochet queen!

  9. 9

    nora said,

    We had lots of slumber parties growing up but I don’t think we ever painted our nails.

  10. 10

    Writer2 said,

    I’m probably disqualified for being partial, or late, but I vote for Fire Truckling

  11. 11

    Mom said,

    Well, if they weren’t disqualified, I’d have to enter my thoroughly unbiased judgment in favor of Fire Truckling and the Russki; but since I’m forced to abandon family preferences, I kind of go for the Cupling.

  12. 12

    Annika said,

    It’s an hour and a half past deadline! Did I win?

  13. 13

    Annika said,

    Er, make that two and a half.

  14. 14

    nora said,

    what about me:(

  15. 15

    Paul said,

    These are priceless! Absolutely priceless! Thank you for the contest, and now I’m really sorry I didn’t get my act together to participate… 😦

  16. 16

    uccellina said,

    Nora – I didn’t get a fuckling (or a fire truckling) from you. Should I have?

  17. 17

    nora said,

    Of course! Maybe i forgot to attach it (I am known to do that. I’ll send it on again…)

  18. 18

    […] Over the weekend, I asked a friend if she had seen the results of the Fuckling Contest. […]

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