Go, go, Gadget Arm!

One full month ago, Husband and I heard a cat crying. It began in the evening and continued through the next morning. And the next evening. And the morning after that. And it has not stopped. We can hear it from inside our house, with our doors and windows shut. Our own cats, totally lacking in sympathy, have begun writing terse notes to the management about the noise.

Two weeks ago, I put on my detective hat and went to see if I could pinpoint where the sound was coming from. This was not as simple as you might expect; Puzzletown has strange acoustics. I thought I’d tracked it to a little gray cat in an apartment across the courtyard from us, but while that cat and I were having a staring match through the window, I heard the sound again. I left the gray cat to its victory dance and walked outside the courtyard. And then, on the other side of the tall, black, pointy fence, I found the yowler.

Next to Puzzletown is the Puzzletown Chateau. It shares our name, but not our tax bracket. Its residents sip champagne in the back of stretch Hummers while yelling at their publicists. They are lifted, tucked, and tanned. Their personal assistants have personal assistants.

The yowly cat was on the small balcony of the Chateau’s penthouse apartment, pacing back and forth and looking deeply unhappy. I spoke to the Chateau security guards about it. They knew about the problem already, and said the owner had told them he would “get rid” of the cat the next day.

I’m sure you’ll be shocked when I tell you the cat was still crying the next evening. “I’ll call the police, if I have to,” I threatened.

“Wouldn’t do any good,” the security guard told me.

“Why not?”

“Police can’t get in here.”


“Rules. We’re not allowed to let the police in here unless someone’s called 911 or they got a warrant.”

(Ah, money. How I long to possess thee, so that I too may flaut the law and common decency.)

They promised to speak to the owner again.

One week later, the cat was still crying. I called the leasing office for the property, where I spoke with a woman who grouchily promised to look into it. (Actually, her first response was “Why don’t you call the police?”) I told her I’d follow up in a few days.

Today I called back, and the person I’d spoken with before was “no longer with the company.” So I went through the whole story again with a woman who sighed when I told her which apartment it was. “Oh yes, we know that resident well.” She promised to take some action, and said I should call back tomorrow.

If that cat is still crying this weekend, I’m gonna handle this ninja-style.



Update: The Resident Relations director spoke with Evil Owner and gave them one last chance. When he failed to do anything, they called the Humane Society to schedule an appointment for someone to come get the cat. Does anyone know what happens to animals that are picked up by the Humane Society? Please tell me they don’t get gassed.


21 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Annika said,

    Sam’s been working on his ninja-fu. Should we come over right away? I can give you a leg up or something.

  2. 2

    Annika said,

    Or! We could knit one of those repelling thingies like Batman has, shoot it over the balcony, and climb up that way. I’ll bring the flare gun, maybe we can rig it to shoot rope.

  3. 3

    jennifer said,

    You should call 911 and tell them you think you hear a small child crying (hey…a yowling cat *could* sound like a child in pain) and that they should investigate. Cause then they’d be allowed in right?
    find out that person’s phone number and call them at ALL HOURS to ask them to quiet their cat! (I think 3:45 am would be the best time to call)

  4. 4

    Frank said,

    Or throw a freaking brick through their luxury window. Jeez! Freaking entitled buttheads.

  5. 5

    miss kendra said,


    not ok.

    i’m going to have to talk to someone about this.

  6. 6

    Hyphen said,

    I have my doubts that, if the police showed up on a “non-emergency” call, that they would be turned away. Thats just asinine. It could be social services, or a response to an odd smell (dead body!) or a legit noise disturbance (yours). Perhaps call the humane society, or animal control, they would probably be able to advise you as well.

    Oh, and don’t forget to link the youtube video for your ninja-climb.

  7. 7

    Uccellina said,

    Hyphen – Private property. I bet they would be turned away. Any of those things could (in theory) be handled by the Chateau security guards, until they decided the police should be called.

    Frank – I thought of that, but knowing me, I’d almost certainly miss and hit the cat.

    Kendra – I’m on it, girl.

    Edited to add: Husband didn’t write this – I did! That’s what I get for commenting from his computer.

  8. 8

    MonkeyGurrl said,

    I’m with Jennifer. Cats do sound like f*cked up kids sometimes. Scares the heck out of me! And what kind of a messed up son-of-a-gun leaves a poor little kitty out on the balcony?!

    I’m willing to go ninja with you. I haven’t been arrested in WEEKS.

  9. 9

    desiknitter said,

    I hate this. People have cats they won’t take care of, and my travel schedule and landlord won’t allow me to have a cat. Why do people have pets they won’t take care of? It’s not like the pressure to have and like kids, even. Last I checked it was okay to say you dislike pets.

  10. 10

    dp said,

    that’s your ninja outfit?

    hot pink and red don’t really lend themselves to stealthiness.

  11. 11

    Laurie Ann said,

    I’ve got it. We get a bow and shoot one of those suction cup arrows like on Bugs Bunny with a note that says, “Yo, Jerk Face. Give the cat a home that cares for him or next time….” and finish it with some kind of non-specific threat.

  12. 12

    writer2 said,

    Sounds like the beginning sketch of a new spin-off series, Law & order: Pet Patrol

  13. 13

    Mom said,

    As a dedicated watcher of Animal Planet’s cop shows, I still wonder if the SPCA or Humane Society can’t be brought in to investigate neglect. Perhaps there’s a section of the local newspaper that would find this of interest.

    As for the ninja colors – that’s the brilliant strategy – no one would believe you’re trying to do something secret in such an outfit. So you just scale your building while people admire your superpowers.

  14. 14

    […] 5, 2007 · Filed under Everything Else, Cat Blogging The cat was picked up today by its new owner. Apparently it is an exotic cat! Which leads me to wonder, […]

  15. 15

    A feminist's Nightmare said,

    As a matter of fact, yes animals picked up by the Humane society are euthanizied. Especially if they have no room, if the animals are not pretty or not good enough to be adopted.
    So yeah it is as much a hypocritical organization as feminism, claiming to one good thing, but then doing the nasty stuff.

    A feminist’s Nightmare

  16. 16

    A feminist's Nightmare said,


    Oh and by the way, speaking of pets, an average of 40 000 dogs alone are euthanized every year in big city centers such as Toronto or Montreal alone,
    i wonder what the numbers for cats are, probably double since there is always way more stray cats in the streets as dogs.

    Oh and it is our social values directed by feminism and consumerism that brought such a plague upon us. People just get poor animals, get tired of them and just throw them out as any old pair of sucks.

    So instead of being disgusted by it, act.

  17. 17

    uccellina said,

    AFN – so glad your benevolent nature has led you to comment on this post too.

    So readers won’t be misinformed by the above: I asked someone from a local cat rescue organization what happened to animals taken by the Humane Society. She told me that while they aren’t no-kill in Los Angeles, they’re certainly less-kill than the city shelters. She also said that rescue societies will often take animals in exchange for a donation, which is an idea I hadn’t even considered.

  18. 18

    A Feminist's Nightmare said,

    yeah, well for your information, the numbers i gave you came from a dog rescue website, now those 40 000 euthanised dogs is a number for a whole region, not from shelters only, and it may be for a year or 2-3 year period, it was unclear, nevertheless, it is a ludicrous high number.

    so your sarcasm is really undeserved and inappropriate cause it only shows how shallow and uninterested in animal welfare you really are.
    if you really cared, you wouldn’t just dismiss my comment because it did not please you, you would actually investigate it seriously and do something about it.

    And your person from your local rescue, did she eve specify what she meant by a less-kill? you know a less kill can mean many things.
    and a no kill shelter is a myth, there is no such thing. animals are sick, some are too aggressive, etc.

    you should never believe someone just because they say so, go and look for yourself if you actually care about animal welfare, I do, and always read about it!
    You only believe in what makes you feel good. How about trying to figure out the truth and not what makes you feel comfortable for a change?

  19. 19

    uccellina said,

    AFN – I know you’re new to blogs, with their fancy updates and all, so I’ll assume it was this unfamiliarity that led you to overlook this post. The cat is fine, thank you for your concern.

  20. 20

    A Feminist's Nightmare said,

    so what, you’re insinuating that i am an idiot who can’t read and that i do not know how blogging works? the subject here is not THAT CAT, but animals in general, again you’ve just shown how unconcerned about their well being you are.

  21. 21

    uccellina said,

    AFN – First, I don’t need to insinuate anything – you do it quite well on your own. Second, this post was about “THAT CAT”.

    You’re going to need your own blog soon, because I’m tired of you on this one. I asked a question about the Humane Society, and you accused me of not caring about animals because . . . yeah, I’m still not clear on your reason, there. You’re clumsily trying to set up a straw man, but it keeps toppling over on you.

    As Amanda so rightly decided, boring = banned.

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